"being OKAY WITH being ALONE"

...being single provides you with many opportunities for self-growth, fun, and preparing yourself for your life partner when you eventually meet him
We live in a society that places high value and expectation on being in a coupled relationship and singles are often stigmatized for their single-status. Gay men, in particular, are often labeled as being unable to develop and maintain long-lasting intimate relationships, adding yet another layer to this stigma. This can lead to feelings of low self-worth and inferiority, a sense that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t have a boyfriend, an excessive focus and preoccupation with your discontent with being single, and sometimes a compulsive drive to find a relationship just to satisfy that nagging need (which can be a dangerous and sabotaging maneuver if one’s dating practices are conducted out of desperation rather than conscious intention).

For those who have not chosen singlehood as a lifestyle and do long to be in a relationship, this can be a painfully difficult experience. Special occasions, holidays, weddings, times of loneliness, and just witnessing other couples can be very triggering events for singles that serve to magnify their restlessness and unfulfillment with being solo. What these types of single gay men need most is a reassurance and recognition that this phase of life can be one of the most enjoyable and transformational times of their lives if they choose it to be. This article will validate the positive values of being single and will offer some suggestions for making the most of your single life.

The Benefits of Being Single: Singlehood is the time in your life where you have the greatest degree of flexibility and freedom to do whatever you want. You can be more spontaneous, independent, selfish, and adventurous because there can be less commitments and more time to pursue the things you want to do; you can make your life into anything that you want it to be as you’re completely in “the driver’s seat.” You have the ability to enter in and out of situations with relative ease and to meet a variety of new people. You are responsible only for yourself and can make choices and major decisions without having to take another into account or to have to answer to anyone. You don’t have to deal with another’s annoying habits or nuances and don’t have to compromise. Other aspects of your identity (career, family, friends, etc.) can have more emphasis as there’s less competition for your focus and attentions.
How I fit the single gay dad into this subject:

When I sit back and read the article again and again I realize that the readers must have a perception of: "Why the surrogacy process then Jacques"…  I believe kids become part of you and it's okay to deal with  being single and raising kids on your own.  Out of own experience: My sister and I was raised on the road and next to a desk in various businesses of my parents.  My first words was "Sales Tax"… Make your own conclusion… In other words - kids fit in; you don't have to change your life or lifestyle!



Back to the actual subject "being single":
More importantly, though, being single puts you in the ideal position for cultivating yourself to reach your fullest potential as an individual. It’s an opportunity for self-exploration and investing in your own personal growth and development. It’s also an ideal time to learn what’s needed to be fully prepared for love when you find it, to explore different types of relationships. It’s fertile ground for learning about who you are and what your needs are. 

As you can see, being single provides you with many opportunities for self-growth, fun, and preparing yourself for your life partner when you eventually meet him. Take advantage of this crucial time in your life to accomplish your life goals, improve your self-esteem, work through any internalized homophobia you may be struggling with, and build your interpersonal skills. It’s important to avoid glamorizing relationships because “the grass is not always greener on the other side” and to realize that having a boyfriend does not take away problems that you may already have in your life. Appreciate this time of your life and don’t measure your happiness or worth as a person on your relationship status.

The Law of Attraction states that we attract situations, people, and experiences in our lives that reflect who we are and what we focus on. Negativity about being single will only mirror, magnify, and attract more negativity. Counter this by taking charge of your single life and crafting it into being the most meaningful and fulfilling time of your life with its alignment to your life vision and purpose. 


Enjoy the journey to your becoming a successful single!