The Rehabilitation of:
"Why are you still single?"
"Why are you still single?"
If someone asks me “Why are you still single?”, I’m going to break out in a fucking rash and move out to the sticks! – (not really though)… I’m sure I vibrate the fact that I’m comfortable and don’t see “singleness” as a liability! You have to embrace your singleness and reply with “I already have enough laundry thank you” or “What? No… And spoil my exciting sex life?”
“Just waiting for the ‘most-accurate to my vision-somebody’ to come along” will be the most authentic and well-dressed answer, followed with “I’m dating and trusting to find the right person”
A friend Debra, told me a few years ago after the “why are you still single” question (we actually met this week again) – you have the “I’m confident and don’t want to share my life” look! I realized the energy I’m carrying when we met again and the first words she uttered was “JacqueQ, you still don’t have anyone in your life – you still have that look. I bet you still get the hundred phone-calls and texts, but all from the wrong applicants?” Yes, she’s actually a wise lady! I replied “Yes, I do; the one’s wing is fucked, the other one has IBS (Not Irritable Bowel, but Brain Syndrome), the next operates on chests and has an ego that I’d love to pop (I’ve got a fetish for popping bubble-wrap btw) and the occasional one is still crying over spilt milk!
Never ask someone why they’re single. Why? It puts them on the spot and, more importantly, it pretty clearly insinuates that being single is a bad thing. Being single is NOT a bad thing. There are plenty of dysfunctional people in relationships and marriages! They clearly make up a larger slice of the excel-generated graph in some sacred file: “let’s annoy our fellow earth-walkers with my relationship drama today”! That file is in your boot-up files btw.
If you’re single, I’m sure you’ve had someone ask you this annoying question. How should you handle it?
Never go the self-justifying way. You have nothing to defend or justify! The more people see that you feel sheepish about being single, the more they’ll trouble you. Get comfy in your singleness and recognizes the freedom and independence that come with it. Shrug and say you enjoy being single.
We tend to contemplate on the undesirable result when we are
confronted with the decision of “not-so-single-anymore”. There used to be a concierge when I heard “relationship” that greeted me with: “You can’t be bothered with the effort it takes JacqueQ, and why would you want to give up your comfy evenings at home for a noisy and cold restaurant
and nervous dialogue with shitty pauses and you start to telepathize and see the words “raging penis, raging penis, raging penis” floating uncontrolled in caps and bold (if you want to be creative in telepathy you can underline it too) on the emotional side of his brain! Your life is just fine as it is JacqueQ (is it really?)… I sometimes got the line: “remember, you want that shoulder sometimes, but he might step away just as you start to lean on him; and the tar will certainly leave a scar on your face”! That’s when I told the friendly, always on duty concierge to take a hike!
My biggest concern was that I’m settling in my own ways, becoming more independent, got my own time, no testimonies needed, no questions
like “why”, “how”, “when” asked, and the leading interrogation with myself
remained “I don’t have enough time to finish my own shit, how must I accommodate someone else and what if the surrogacy-pregnancy deliver twins? – Then there are not one, but three new accompaniments in my life… ”.
"Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end"
UNTILL I axed into my own endless chatter “up there”! (Hang on
JacqueQ) If the right person (no, wrong terminology), companionable person walks into my life without taking the emotional influences out of the equation, else the readers will think this dude writing this is very unstable, none of the above will actually be there.
It will be positive, it will be nice, you will want to spend time with the person, he will want to join or, if in time, start a family, he will be a good second dad to the kids, you will want to explain yourself, etc. (and the etc. is for all the things that you think might infuriate you). Blessings for those with the thought of Jacques being incredibly self-absorbed (not true) – I’d offer the same, maybe more! My sister testifies that I “bring the chill factor into a space”.
That’s what the relationship will and has to be if there’s compatibility
and love. My same theory applies to a love-relationship as to children born to a family: Merge without getting uncomfortable or feeling burdened by any situation of the next being in your space. Your life will be in
tenfold more vibrant and exciting! Live like you did without the person in your life (that’s if you had and have a sorted life (otherwise jack up your shit – you’ll lose the best handed out to you)), just appreciate, love, share, be more happy and vibrate more energized feelings as you’ve been granted a blessing (as nothing happens without a reason on this plane and dimension). It will be of wrong intention if you hope and intend to make it the purpose that the person you share your life with will be the source and midpoint of your bliss.
Don’t pressure for your own good. We all have the right to our own will. Keep in mind that pressure impacts any relationship in one of two ways:
It either tears people apart or strengthens their connections binding them tightly in a calm objective. If the pressure you apply is only for your own good and gain, the result will unquestionably be the first – chaos, but handle everything with pure affection and make it about everyone involved and it will be of binding outcome.
Ideally a companion and/or children have to enrich your life – I’d much more appreciate the irritating inconsistent flow of sci-fi special effects mixed with Fast and Furious spins and add some Carte Blanche talk to the
cart, from different channels of my husband being a dstv-remote control-freak than listening to the sounds Daughtry mixed with my keyboard-key-ticks right now!
Finally, the realization arrived; THE BIG SHIFT! I’m ready for a relationship – it all starts within! (don’t you think ;-) So; cheers concierge!